Wedding Advice: How to be a good wedding guest

Over the years of working weddings I have witnessed some really great moments that guests of weddings have had and I have witness some downright disgusting moments from guests. The important thing to remember about being a guest at a wedding is the day isn’t about you. Like everyone else I have my fair share of problems, but when I arrive to shoot a wedding I check it all at the door and immerse myself completely in the couple’s day. The bottom line is people have gathered from around the city, province, country or world to dance, and drink, and eat and celebrate the fact that two people fell in love. For each couple, their wedding is a monumental day in their love story, and I’ve seen a lot of guests ruin it for a lot of couples, so here’s some wedding advice for what NOT to do.

1) Don’t be an “Uncle Bob”

Yes, we here in the wedding industry have a name for that persistent friend, or family member who is always in the way with their camera. I’ve yet to go to a wedding where guests were not somewhat of a problem with their cameras. Sometimes they are shooting over my shoulders while I’m trying to take family portraits (which causes a problem because the family I’m shooting end up looking all over the place even though I’m waving and calling them to look at me.) Sometimes they are stepping into my shot during the first dance or cake cutting to get one of their own.

BOTTOM LINE: They will not put your picture in their wedding album or on their wall. They are going to put the pictures they paid for up, and if you make my job harder you are wasting the couple’s money because it’s either going to take me twice as long to get the shot or I’m going to miss it all together. If you’re an aspiring photographer do not get in the way at a wedding. First, you could wind up in big trouble as most photographers have a clause saying no one else can use any images from the wedding commercially (ex. to build their portfolio) and secondly when you do reach your goal, you may find karma comes back to bite you.

2) Unplug / Shut your phone off

Time and time again, I go to weddings where guests are so busy looking at the back of a camera, camcorder, iPhone, or iPad that they actually miss the ceremony itself. The average civil ceremony is 10-15 minutes long. Not only is it incredibly rude to not give the couple 10 dedicated minutes of your time after they paid for all the food and drinks and décor you’re about to enjoy, but they also likely nixed good friends or extended family because they couldn’t afford to invite everyone and you’re taking up the valuable seat of a guest who was good-mannered enough to pay attention. Not only that but if you have your cell phone turned on there is a good chance it will ring. I shot a wedding this past weekend when not one, but two cell phones went off mid-ceremony. Incredibly disrespectful to the couple who was sharing a very special moment with them.

BOTTOM LINE: Shut your phone off. Shut your camera off. If the couple has a photographer you’ll get to see beautiful professional pictures of the entire day. Plus you look friggin’ ridiculous holding that iPad up in the air in the middle of the church. If you just can’t help yourself from snapping pictures, do so with respect. Make sure you’re not blocking anyone’s view (especially the hired professional photographer or videographer), and be quick, get your shot and get back so others can take a pictures as well. Avoid pointing your flash directly at the couple, or turn your flash off all together. If your flash fires at the same time as the photographers you will double expose their shot and the picture will be ruined and lost forever.

3) Don’t be a Wedding Skank / Wedding Hobo

Allow me to be crass for a brief moment. She might be a cousin, a friend or the date of a guest. She is overtanned, wearing white, or a mini-dress that would completely offend the pastor of your church. She gets totally wasted, grinds on all the groomsmen, and bitches to her friends in the washroom about the fact that she wasn’t allowed to bring a plus one (aka random guy she met at the bar #13). She poses like she’s the hottest thing at the wedding with tons of hip and duck face during family portraits. She flashes the camera in the photobooth, and your grandmother is outraged by her constant use of foul language, cell phone overuse and constant gum snapping during speeches, as she feigns boredom.

He’s probably in between jobs. He’s wearing a t-shirt with swear words on it, and ripped jeans. He hasn’t shaved in a week or two and smells like he hasn’t showered in a month. Maybe he’s in coveralls. He didn’t make any sort of attempt  to dress up, he’s only here because someone dragged him. He has no interest in being there at all, but is pretty stoked there is an open bar cause he’s “GON’ GET WAAAAAAASTED”.

BOTTOM LINE: Ladies: Contrary to popular belief this wedding isn’t about you. This wedding is about two friends or family members who want to celebrate their love. Dial back the Nicki Minaj lipstick, put the condoms back into your purse. This is not a get-laid-free-for-all. If you want to get laid go to a nightclub. Have some respect and perhaps opt for a dress that fully covers your buttcheeks. Weddings are not about looking hot, they are about a high point in a relationship, and I’m not talking about yours.

Guys: This wedding is important. Their love is important. Show a little respect. Shave or trim your beard. Put on some clean underwear and deodorant. The average guest is at a wedding for 7 hours. That is 7 hours out of your life that you need to be dressed appropriately and be respectful at. You can be a slob the rest of your days. You don’t have to come in tuxedo and a top hat but leave the d-bag t-shirt at home and go easy on the vodka. Just cause it’s an open bar doesn’t mean you have to clear them out.

4) Don’t sit on the sidelines

Wedding guests who fail to get involved in the wedding are real bummers. They don’t pay attention during the ceremony, they don’t blow bubbles when the couple walks down the aisle. They skip the receiving line cause they hate waiting. They don’t sign the guestbook because they can’t think of anything to say. They don’t get up for the bouquet/garter toss because it’s a “silly tradition”, they refuse to dance, or use the photobooth because they don’t feel like it. They leave their wedding favor on the table because they “don’t need another wine bottle stopper”.

BOTTOM LINE: Honestly, why did you even bother coming to the wedding if you felt so lack luster about it? You spent $50 on a present and they spent $60 on your meal and drinks, which was a total waste for both of you if you aren’t really there to celebrate their happiness. Let your walls down, after all they just stood at the front of the room, professed their love for each other and made an enormous legal vow in front of their nearest and dearest…and you’re afraid of hitting the dancefloor to celebrate with them? Most couples skip the traditions they don’t like and infuse their weddings with their personalities these days. If there is a bouquet toss it’s because it was fun and important to them, so if you’re a single lady get out there and stop being a grumpy pants.

The list could go on and on… The guest who only comes for booze, the “i-just-got-married-too friend”, the overhelpful aunt, the crotchety plus-one who complains about everything, the drama couple that argue in front of everyone all day, the parents too involved with chatting to watch their badly behaved toddler. Here’s the bottom line folks, the wedding isn’t about you. You were chosen as a guest because you were important to the couple or important their family. It doesn’t matter if you can’t bring a date and you have to go alone. It’s not just a big party, although it may feel like that from the outside. It’s a very expensive, emotionally charged, celebration. Most couples pay out of pocket for their weddings these days. They work and save hard to be able to provide food and drinks and music for everyone to enjoy, so don’t ruin is for them by making it about yourself. Because its not.

Just get out there, smile and laugh a ton. Enjoy the festivities. You were invited because you are an important part of their life and a vital part of their celebration and it’s up to you to make it an incredible day for the couple.